The Woo is great in you !

So- it's Monday morning and over here where I am it is time for the dreaded assessment clinic- other wise known as 'hell'.

So, I'm sitting in 'hell'- listening to this mother drivel on about this child- who will not talk to me and just sits there peeking out from behind her hair or for variety every now and then squirming in the seat and bringing the collar of her jacket up to her nose - and peeking out from behind that.

'Daddy' has also come (believe me this is a rare enough occurence for it to be mentioned with horns blowing and choirs singing) anyhoo- 'Daddy' is sat there on the other side of the girl alternately looking at the huge desk diary he has brought in with him and trying to speak whenever mum takes a breath- which is not often as far as I can tell.

(This seems to be a gender thing- why is it women can talk without breathing - or using circular breathing- and men can't? - answers on a postcard please)

Anyhoo again- 'Mummy' starts explaing to me that 'we' are not sleeping well, and 'we' are a very unhappy little girl who is refusing to go to school, and 'we' scream and kick 'Mummy' and 'Daddy' whenever they try to get 'her' to school. 'We' are not eating properly and 'we' have been quite ill this past year with horrible tonsillitis but now 'we' have had 'our' tonsils out 'we' are ok.

I have this vision at this point of a whole family being operated on at once in one theatre and it is at this point that I wake up and realise she is not talking about herself *sigh* but actually about the little girl who so obviously doesn't want to be in this room right now.

I haven't heard anyone speak in this manner for years so forgive me for being tardy on the Monday morning realisation.

Anyhoo- I do the assessment and 'Mummy', in response to my usual question of 'what have you tried before' and 'what have you found that works?' comes back with

"Well, we went to a homeopath and we felt a lot better afterwards didn't we?" This said while looking pointedly at little girl now hiding behind a cushion and then looking at 'Daddy' pointedly in a way that said- 'say you agree!'


My answer to this?

"Um"


"We also think maybe being a Scorpio could have an influence on her personality - what do you think?" "WE can be very stubborn you know - can't we?" - again looking at little girl who is now turned around in the chair looking at the wall.

My answer to that?

"Well"

and all the time all I could think was- what the fuck? What. The. Fuck. ??????

They come to me looking for help with mental health problems and give me this crap and woowoo about homecrapathy and astrobollocks?!!!!


Of course- being the ultimate professional that I am I said.

" I don't think I'm the right person to see your daughter- I'm thinking more along the lines of creative work as she finds it so difficult to communicate in words- what do you think? - I can make an appointment with our occupational therapist"

'Mummy' is still talking and 'Daddy' is still trying to talk as I usher them out the door. I still haven't seen what colour the little girl's eyes are- but boy am I thankful for hippy-dippy occupational therapists that don't want to hit people when they hear the words 'homeopathy' or 'star sign'.

Next week- the tale of the JW and Mormon families :)